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13 September 2010 @ 05:55 pm
    New school. New people. It's definitely harder than I expected. None of this was what I expected. If I wasn't so damn stupid....I'd be where I belong. But I suppose everybody makes mistakes.....and I suppose everything happens for a reason.....right? 

Good things come to those that wait....and it always comes when you least expect it.

I'm getting tired of waiting.
Can't I catch a break for once?!

Ain't much I can do about things. I just gotta keep my head up.
Where Am I?: hoooome
Feeling: busybusy
I Am Hearing: There's a Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths
02 November 2009 @ 12:07 am

This has been an amazing weekend.

Friday it was a great day. Just me, alli, and cory at cory's house. Like the good old days <3 We hung out, laughed, at watched a director's edition bootleg of paranormal activity. Which was a fantastic film. It had all the components of a good horror film. That night made me very happy. Even now, it makes me smile. =3

Saturday....oh Halloween<3

Read more...Collapse )


Today...not much. Did some homework....did some laundry....showered.....eh.
Oh Yeah! Forgot to mention I'm "with" Shorty. Well, im not sure how to explain it. Perhaps "dating", or "involved with", "going out with"......you get the fucking idea. *giggle*


Feeling: frustratedBRUTAL
I Am Hearing: A New Level - PANTERA (bow down motha fuckers!!!)
02 November 2009 @ 12:07 am

This has been an amazing weekend.

Friday it was a great day. Just me, alli, and cory at cory's house. Like the good old days <3 We hung out, laughed, at watched a director's edition bootleg of paranormal activity. Which was a fantastic film. It had all the components of a good horror film. That night made me very happy. Even now, it makes me smile. =3

Saturday....oh Halloween<3
I wokee up at about 9-9:30am. Went to an orthodontist appoitment at about 10 or 10:30. Tightened these wretched chains on my teeth. I went to Leah's and picked up some pretty sexy boots. They were a little torn up, but they were perfect at the same time :) They were perfect for my costume (thank you very much Leah, my darling!) I went to Cory's and we dressed up. We were fairies.
Cory was a war fairy. Her hair (which is incredibly red at all times) was pinned up, red lipstick, eyeliner, eye shadow, red dress, fishnets, and converse, red bracelets, and of course, red wings. Alli was an i dont know fairy, she had a black dress with two neon green laces on it, she had neon green and black striped knee high socks, and black wings, thick black eyeliner, intense green eyeshadow. I was a death fairy, or something like that. I had a blue knee length dress with a black frilly thing underneath and a black i dont know what to call it on the dress. I had black fishnets and those black sorta knee high boots, my blue/black/purpleish wings, thick black eyeliner, blue/purple/turquoiseish eye shadow, sparkles, swirlish designs by my eyes. (all the AMAZING makeup was done my Alicia<333) We looked fucking amazing.
So, we went trick or treating from 4-6. Then we chilled at Cory's. Then around 8pm Shorty picked us up. We went to Flor's party. Me and Shorty left to pick up Justin. Chilled at justin's. Drank a little. Went To Shorty's. Went back to Flor's. Partied INSANELY. Got pretty drunk. Well, I wouldn't say drunk. More like intensely buzzed.We had tons of fun. Kyle, justin, lucas, shorty, rob, and me just had an awesome time fuckin around. Sean and matt got hammered!!!! I have never seen sean so drunk! So we left the party at about 12:30 or 1am. (I was supposed to be home at 12am) Me, shorty, rob, and justin's brother went to justin's house. I have never spent so much time with justin. We have 5th period together, but we never really hung out like that haha. So, since shorty is a pastry chef, and generally a great cook, and our tummies were starving, he cooked for us! YUMMY! So we ate. Ramiro and the band stopped by justin's and told us to come to the practice (shorty is their new bassist) So me, rob ,and shorty went to shorty's to pick up the bass. Then we went to Ramiro's. Watched them practice <3 They stopped practicing at about 3am. Around 3:30 er 4, shorty dropped me and rob off at home. Man were we in trouble!!! My dad cancelled my phone. The only reason i have the laptop is because i need it for homework. But, literally, that was a night to remember =]

Today...not much. Did some homework....did some laundry....showered.....eh.


Feeling: frustratedBRUTAL
29 October 2009 @ 07:52 pm
These past few days have been quite unpredictable.

School has been fluctuating (spelling?) between easy and difficult.
The teachers are shit. The only teacher I have that actually gives two shits about being a good teacher is mr. gaughan.

Friends have been a roller coaster.
Ramiro has confused the fuck out of me! He suddenly stopped talking to me! I was wondering why he was ignoring me and such....i gues it was because amanda was taking up his time. I guess he has a thing for her. Oh well, no matter what, ramiro will always be my homie haha. I am actually more excited to talk to shorty nowadays. He is really really cool =]

As for family....please. kill. me.  
My father is an uptight, old-fashioned, lunatic! Although, i learn to deal. I am officially kicked out of my room....in order for my brother's baby to "move in" THE BABY IS RARELY HERE!  Why should i give up my entire room if the thing is only here once very two weeks??? Fuck that. So...all of my brother's shit is in my room. And, i have to move downstairs. Where  i no longer have my queen sized amazingly comfortable mattress....but a squeaky, hard, twin sized. I would have no television...and there is no service in the basement. Not to mention it is always 20 degrees colder in my basment and there are spiders all over the place. FUCK MY LIFE! I am going to hate it. Well....at least....it'll only be for two years. Until i am fucking 18.

For the past three weeks i have been taking guitar lessons from my friend rick james, or RJ (his real name is ronald james). I am doing quite well! So far i have learned 3 songs, and am pretty good at basics and what not. I am getting faster! And my hands are used to the strings ;) 
i have deemed south park to be my favorite show! Although last night's new episode wasnt all that grand, you have to admit, that show is the shit. It is hysterical.
Tony and I are once again not speaking.

There are at least 5-6 parties that i know of. Not sure which ones i am going to but everything will work out. Gunna be the fucking shit!!!!!

The one at the zone that i mentioned with Of The Dead, Divide, And Team Light You On Fire....SOLD OUT. Apparently that was the first time the zone had sold out of tickets. And they said we were the best crowd they have ever seen. I have to admit, we were a great group pf headbangers. that was a terrific night.

*If you are interested in seeing really great local bands go to the zone of november 6th*

Apparently shorty is the new bassist for Of The Dead.

I guess I should start doing my AP economics and AP U.S history now....ugh.

Hopefully tomarrow is a better day.
I Am Hearing: The Black Dahlia Murder<3
21 October 2009 @ 11:13 pm
Today was interesting.

The morning, I had a science club meeting before school. We came up with ideas for field trips, outreaches and such. By the way if you are a student at a high school and are interesed in learning more about green technology and are interested in having our school present our project to your school PLEASE inform me. We can present at your school, and show the students the sweet bus that runs on veggie oil. we have a great presentation <3.
Fourth period, we took that brutal unit 3 test. It was sooo bad, but it did kind of suck. I took most of the period. I had half an hour to spare.
Fifth period was fun. Me and  Justin just messed around with miss zegar ^__^  And she was messin with me.
Part of a conversation between me, justin and ms. zegar after lunch:
Ms. Z: (to me) throw that lollipop away before i take it!
Me: Wait! I'm almost done!!!
Ms. Z: *grabs end of lollipop trying to pry it from my mouth*
Justin: stop harrassing students! Dont you know she needs that lollipop?! without it...she'll go into a massive rage bent on destruction!!!
Me: *bites of entire lollipop, just the stick is left*
Ms. Z: ...now i have a stick....a STICK.
Me: *grabs stick, I see ramiro and kirby coming down the hallway, ramiro comes to hug me, I han him the stick and hug him* haha now you dont even have a stick
Ms. Z: this isn't over....justin...your next
Justin: not when i have my weiner costume on, no one can touch me with that on!
Ms Z: *laughing* you got me there kid. that costume is hilarious!
   -overall fifth period was fun-
Sixth period, we discussed why Amreicans have an excise obsession with fast food (sometimes subconsciously). I went to the bathroom in the beginning of class, and I guess while i was gone the class had this discussion on christians/catholics/atheists. So, I walk into the classroom and they yell : "DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD?!?" And i non-chalently say no. They gasp, give me shocked looks, the works. It was priceless the faces I saw. As i walked to my seat people we asking me questions left and right. They treated me like some kind of alien. Some were even dusgusted and thought I was absolutely insane for not believing in their god. It annoyed me. I am apparently the only atheist in the class. This was an introduction to Friday's lesson. We are watching something on atheists vs. christians living in the same house. ....I do it everyday....no big deal. I just hate how people are quick t critisize. It's not like i go around saying "omg why do you like god?!?!" "I cent believe you believe in god!" Have they ever considered that I have my reasons?
The day ended and I stayed after school. Hung out with people. It was awkward because it was mainly tony. It was odd. He wouldnt leave my side. No matter where I went, what i was doing, so on. Even when I was walking home, he went with....i have no problem, I just felt awkward.
I missed Ramiro today. He was there, but I hardly seen him.

Brooklynn is here at home. She's sleeping =] She's absolutely beautiful!

Well, I have pre calculus homework...til next time!

*tommarrow=guitar lessons at rick james' house!!!!*
I Am Hearing: Down With The Sickness- Chipmunks version
20 October 2009 @ 11:23 pm
Yes, my title is from a Taylor Swift song :P

Well.....let's see....

List Of How My Laziness Has Won My Day:

1) instead of studying for that very important test in AP U.S History, I bummed around the house
2) I didn't shower. Now I have to wake up early as hell for my cleanliness
3) i didn't fo my homework. Instead i was procrastinating by going on myspace

so on and on.

I guess me and tony are friends again. I am really getting sick of this up and down thing. I just want to be friends with him. Yet...i still want him. Fuckin weird. I think the only thing that stops me is....honestly.....Ramiro. I still just like him so much. And this time he likes me back. Accept this time, we are both single. So...that means greatness. I am just not sure what to do. Oh well, no need to stress out. The main point is, I cant date Tony because i simply cannot get Ramiro out of my mind. And I wont be able to for a long time. I guess i will have to tell Tony this gently. I forgot to mention that Tony did ask me to date him again (its the 3rd time he has asked me). ...Yeah, friendship is better. I just hope he understands.

I hope everything works out for me soon.
Very soon.
I Am Hearing: My Heart Will Go On - New Found Glory
20 October 2009 @ 06:41 pm
So today...

I didn't go to zero period. I slept in until 8:15. First period I didnt do much. Second period, I didnt go to class. Instead me and Alyson recycled then went to all the lunches to hang out with friends. In B lunch there was a fight. My friend jose vs. this random white guy. I am not sure who was winning. But it was definitely intense. Jose was slammed against the table I was sitting at....my tray of food suffered the consequences. Me and sebastian had a great time making fun from it though haha. Every other lunch was pretty boring. Ramiro didnt even come to school! I was so bored! Third period wasnt so bad. I got an 85% on my pre calculus test. Science club after school was ok. There's a presentation Monday at St.Pauls lutheran church. First one of the new year. I walked home.
On the way home I saw Tony. I guess he was walking what's her face home. And apparently he was talking to alliandra. Saying that he hopes I am jealous, and missing him and such. But, hey, if he is moving on, I am happy. because im moving on also. Although, I am not going to lie, it does kind of make me jealous. But i'll get over it :P

I need more laughter in my life. Real laughter. Not this fake shit.
I Am Hearing: PANTERA
Summary Of My Life Since The Last Time I Updated?

Robert is crashing down. He is really getting my angry more often. My dad hasn't reallly been antagonizing. He has actually calmed down, and he is letting me do things i would normally not be able to do. I am thankful for that. My older brother's baby is wonderful. Her name is Brooklynn Jayne Reynoso in case I failed to mention that before. She is absolutley beautiful. My sister is getting more and more stressed. My niece Elysia is getting cuter and cuter, even though she is a little fatass haha <3

Drama. But hey, there always is. I have generally been hanging out with Ramiro and the crew more often (the crew being kirby, victor, sebastian, etc) Waaaay more than ever. And i love it =]  cory is fine, Alli too. Speaking of the crew, their gig at Travis' house was decent. People do not know how to mosh! It was very disappointing. And they had their VERY FIRST OFFICIAL SHOW! They were adorable! I was very proud of them. It was "Brutality Fest 2" and they were definetly the most brutal band there. Seeing as they were the only death metal band there. All the otheres were hardcore :P Damn, which reminded me...i must KILL all hardcore dancers. that shit pisses me off to no end. I got a bloody nose due to those bastards. there were literally fights because the hardcore dancers were pissing people off. *they kicked ramiro right in the fucking face* Well overall, Of The Dead did a great job. Their next gig: THE ZONE COMICS 10/23!!!!

Holy shit factory! Well, Tony broke up with me. One night he got extremely angry with me because he said that I care about my friends too much (he was mostly referring to the guy friends...which is 80% of my friends). So, he dumped me. He ignored me for a bit, then he pulled me aside to talk. He asked me to go back out with him again, I simply said I think we were better off as friends. Seeing as the same thing would happen again and then we would break up AGAIN. Then, we became good friends. Then, one night (I believe it was after Ramiro's party on friday) about 30 of us went to White Castle around midnight. Anthony and Ramiro stole my phone and started talking shit to Tony (i wasnt aware of this until i had gotten home later. FYI anthony and ramiro never liked tony) So, tony was extremely upset. On top of that he believed that I was the one talking the shit. So, he was saying really really horrible things to me. And....now we never speak. I guess it's better that we stay out of each other's life. Although....damn...It really made me angry all those things he was saying. Even after I explained what happened he got all mad at me. but...oh well.....fuck it. "Bite The Future and Fuck The Past"

It's been quite hectic. The past week  especially. Wednesday, i was with ramiro, anthony, and sean at walmart at like...midnight. Got back late of course. Thursday was kirby's birthday party, was there really late. Friday was ramiro's party, that was fucking crazy. Saturday was the party at my house, that was insane!! Sunday was the show at the korova for OTD, that was some weird shit. There's probably many things coming up.

......very exausting....
I Am Hearing: DIVINE HERESY!!!!!!!!!!
Yes Ramiro, I will. haha

Well, things have cleared up a bit.
My dad is back from mexico.
We had one brutal party at my house. Then we took the car out for a jor ride (im glad shannon got to join in on that). There has been many funny, hilarious moments. And I am positive there are more to come. My friends are great. As always. And there is drama. As Always. Although, i am very glad to say that I am straying away and keeping my distance from those who love to be centered around drama.

My grades are doing better. Physics was just one big mix up. Photography is my favorite class. Almost as great as Graphic Arts was.
Me and Tony are doing great. We have to sneak around though. Since my dad would flip out. Although, I find it exciting. I guess i am just weird. I dont know. It seems to add excitement. But, it just stresses tony out.

Cory, is still awesome.
And all of my friends...my awesome friends...
Of The Dead will be playing their second gig at Travis' party tomorrow. I am very ecstatic to have more people hear them. I adore those guys so much. Because 1} they are my very close friends (some of the best i have) and 2} they are so talented. I know people will love them. I am very proud to say that their first gig was at my house, in my basement haha. And it went fairly well. There was excessive, yet amazingly sexy headbanging everywhere. There were very beautifully brutal mosh pits. And the band was amazing. They were very nervous because it wasnt the crowd they were used to, and they feared screwing up. But, nonetheless, it was a great night. And i am sure they are going to do good tomorrow.

Tony's birthday passed on october 6th. He is now 18.

There are so many events in october. There ws the children of bodom concert, Then Travis' party, then this saturday is the bonfire at my house. Then next week is very hectic. Thursday is The Used concert. Friday is Lee Max's birthday, and Where The Wild Things Are is being released! Saturday is the Mastodon and Dethklok concert which I will be blowing off for a homecoming party at my house. Yes, instead of paying $15 for a homecoming ticket to listen to music one dislikes, my friends are coming to my house, and haveing our own fun. Although, we still want to dress up haha.  Then Sunday is Of The Dead's very first official show. They are participating in a music festival called Brutality Fest. There will be about ten bands. I am most definetly going even though the venue is about an hour away from where we live. But that is okay because Sean agreed to take me. Although, it disappoints me that Tony will not be able to go. And then towards the end of the month, Taking Back Sunday is coming to town. I might go haha. And then there is.....

My beloved October 23rd. I do believe that is a friend of mine's birthday. Although, on that very day there is going to be a GREAT show at The Zone Comics. With an amazing lineup. So please, if you know where I am talking about PLEASE GO!! And support any of the 3 bands playing!
There will be Of The Dead: an amazing metal band, with great guys, and talent that you would appreciate...THEY'RE REALLY FUN.
There will be Team Light You On Fire: A punk band. The members are funny guys, and you would have a blast listening.
There will be Divide: A metal band, with some talented members, they are usually a crowd favorite (Of The Dead might just be the next favorite haha)
Please attend! It's only $5 for a fun night. And i am pretty sure it's a halloween themed night, so enjoy that haha.
Tell Your Friends ;)

Overall, things are alright (leaving my father out of the statement)
Feeling: exhaustedexhausted
I Am Hearing: Cemetary Gates - Pantera
25 September 2009 @ 12:31 am
I dont quite understand what is happening.
Is this what they call a break down?
Or maybe i've just come into realization.
That....not everything is alright.
...That it's not okay....
i'm not okay.

I've never had sucha low self esteem when it came to school. I feel as if I'm failing myself. No, I'm not doing horrible. Although, it deeply upsets me that I am not even giving the effort I could be giving. And due to that, I have disappointing grades. Which makes my father furious. Which makes me incredibly angry...at him and myself. I wish I could just give up. But it's not that easy. And all the homework is killing me. Literally. I am getting back/shoulder problems due to the necessity of textbooks, notebooks, and various other things being brought home. I even have to train a damn mouse for my psychology class D:< This year, was just not what I expected.

Not only that but i am feeling emotionally lost. I am just so damn confused! I'm supposed to be happy. I'm back with tony, I have some lots of friends (and counting). But yet, there's that feeling of lonliness. And I can't help it. I've just been wanting to cry. For no reason. What kind of person am I? One that wishes to cry when everything seems so right? What's wrong with me? i just feel as if nothing truly matters to me anymore. ...What does matter to me? Does anything matter? What do I care about? ...What is it that i wake up for? What's the reason why I feel the need to hide everything? I'm so confused.

I want to be alone.

Is that odd?

For a few days. I want to escape. Perhaps somewhere where hypocrisy is nonexistant. Or maybe somewhere where...where there is no need to worry. Or maybe even a place where no one is hypnotized by a god that...simply isn't there.

I want to be alone.

But that is too much to ask.

I should probably stop. Right? Just forget it. I'll live. I mean, it's not like I'm suicidal er anything. it's not like im dealing with anything lethal, I'm just being selfish. Self-centered.

Is that me?
Am i really just self-centered?
Am I becoming everything that i never wanted to be?

What te fuck is going on with me?

There's so much shit going on with my life, I don't know what's what anymore.

My dad. That man is a kind of man that is not mankind.

What the fuck is going on?
I'm lost.
I need to find my way back.
I know I can do it.
Just give me time.

Give me time.

I can do it.


I Am Hearing: Starving Your Friends - Envy On The Coast